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bloggerofbakerstreet asked: You really didn't have to, Sherlock, they were entirely too much and you really didn't need to give me anything as an apology, honestly - but /thank/ you. They're really comfortable, and I have a feeling they'll last longer than my last pair. (Don't- I know, I agree, but that doesn't make it any less out of my price range.) The note was a nice touch, too. Thanks.

You should know by now, John, that I rarely do anything I don’t have to, or want to do.  Apologies, as a rule, are pointless; often merely used as a method to ameliorate someone’s mood in order to make them easier to deal with after having offended them. 

In this instance, I was genuinely regretful of having caused you distress and offence in those specific areas we discussed, but you know that such social interactions are very much not my area.  As a consequence, I sought something that would please you, but be more useful to you than a soppy greeting card or something of that nature.  (Really, John, google is useful in some things, but absolutely rubbish in others.)

I observed how long you looked at the shoes, that you tried them on twice, and were reluctant to take them off.  After we left and you refused to purchase them or let me do so, I considered the matter further.  Your current pair of all-purpose shoes have become almost too worn to pass, your dress-shoes are still in good order, but too fine for common wear - as is expected - and I shudder in horror at those old trainers of yours, but I have a favourite dressing gown that’s gone a bit shabby, so I can hardly cast legitimate aspersions without seeming a hypocrite.  These shoes will do for common use, as well as looking smart with slightly less casual wear than your usual, and they should wear well and comfortably. 

Do not trouble yourself over the price, please.  Consider what I spend on grooming products and your worries will fade, I’m sure.  There ought to be a smirk on your face now.  Good. 

I’m quite pleased you enjoyed the note, as well.

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Anonymous asked: Not sure how this thing works, but if it does, I just wanted to ask how you liked the fruit basket. You're such a clever young man, Sherlock! It was just as you said, the basket was on sale and I thought you two boys could use some fresh fruit. It's good to see you looking a little less like a strong breeze would blow you off your feet. You put up such a fuss, but your friend is a doctor, after all, and you ought to let him and Martha feed you up. Sorry, I should've said, this is Mrs. Turner fro

Of course it was as I said. 

Mrs. Turner, I believe I should quote John in saying that the fruit basket was ‘a thoughtful gesture’ and we have both enjoyed it thus far. The orange I had was quite good. 

I can assure you, Mrs. Turner that John and Mrs. Hudson are constantly trying to make me eat.  There is no chance of my starving, believe me.  None.

asker

Anonymous asked: You know, you should probably still do something nice for John.

Do you imagine I hadn’t come to that conclusion on my own?

I already had a plan and have taken steps to implement it. John will eventually notice the new shoes in his closet, as well as the fact that three of my oldest experiments have been cleared away, and we have dinner plans Monday night. Well, I have made dinner plans, but I hardly expect John to argue, considering his insistence that I eat all the time whether it’s needed or not.

I am still less than sanguine about this anonymous option. If you’re Mrs. Hudson or Mrs. Turner, do please stop fluttering about John and making him self-conscious! It’s led to nothing but trouble.

If you’re neither of those ladies, then the request still stands.

 

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Anonymous asked: True statements: You can be a genius and still make mistakes. John can't read your mind. Just because someone doesn't blatantly say you've hurt their feelings/made them angry/embarrassed them doesn't mean you haven't done so. He won't say so, but your brother is sorry if he made things worse. I'm tired of screening your profanity-laced voicemails - though I'm admiring some of the colourful phrases - so I'd like you to stop leaving him messages. Keeping your temper will help. I wish you luck. - A

True statements: I have never claimed to make no mistakes. Of course John can’t read my mind - thank God. Yes, yes, I get it and we’ve sorted it, thank you. I don’t believe he is sorry enough. You can leave him to screen his own sodding voicemails from me. You’re quite welcome for the new material. I WAS keeping my temper, hence my not tracking him down in person. It may well be that the luck helped.  - SH

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Anonymous asked: "I must be cruel only to be kind." #It's Mycroft's Fault

If I thought you actually were Mycroft, oh the things I would say!  Even so, Anon, you’ve quite cannily - or entirely accidentally - hit upon a remarkably apropos quote for my brother.

Once I know what he’s up to, I may deign to believe his intentions to have been kind; however, at this point, no.  If he’s ruined my opportunity to sort things with John, I may never forgive him.

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Anonymous asked: I realise that right now you are rather annoyed at your brother. However, you might want to ask yourself why exactly he wanted to talk to John in private. As for his methods, you might not condone them, but you have to admit they are effective.

Yes, I am annoyed at my brother, along with a large number of other adjectives.  I have, indeed, been asking myself that very question.  Also, I wish to know why he had to do it in that manner.  John has expressed his dislike of these ‘enforced chats’ and Mycroft knows how to dial a phone.  He could have phoned John and saved everyone a lot of fuss.

His methods?  They can be very effective, of course.  I may not like my sibling, but I cannot truthfully argue that he is generally quite good at what he does.  In most circumstances, yes, I have and would condone his methods; in this particular instance, I did and do not!  His interference made John angry at him - and, by extension, that anger was partially directed at me - as well as completely disrupting the plans I had made to speak with John on an important matter.  If he meant to cause me trouble, he was most certainly effective.  If he meant to help, he was most certainly ineffective!

Until I know more about his motivations, and likely even after I have that information, I will remain ‘annoyed at my brother’.  In fact, it’s more correct to say I will remain furious with him. 

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Anonymous asked: I hope you'll fix things with John soon. You ought to talk to your brother, because if he was trying to help, I don't think it worked. If he's not trying to help, you REALLY ought to talk to your brother! Good Luck!

I wish this interface assigned identities, issued numbers, or tracked IP addresses, so that I could tell you anonymous askers apart.  However, I’m aware this would, obviously, void the purpose of allowing ‘anonymous’ asks.

Well, regardless of whether you’re one of the same people who’ve chimed in before or a new person, I am trying to ‘fix things with John’ and I very definitely am going to have some words with my brother.  Whether he was trying to help, or not, he interfered; furthermore, in so doing, he irritated John - who is notoriously patient, even with Mycroft - thus depriving me of my opportunity to discuss this ongoing issue between John and myself.  I am displeased.  Exceedingly so.

Luck again?  I don’t particularly believe in luck.  However, fine, same essential answer:  Suppose it couldn’t hurt and thanks.

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Anonymous asked: When the two of you have sorted everything out and are speaking again, can you please ask John if he will accept anon asks? Thank you and good luck. ;-)

Presuming John and I are able to sort everything out and do speak again, I would ask him; however, posting this will probably alert him sooner, as he may well see it before we speak. 

Luck.  Couldn’t hurt, I suppose.  My thanks.

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Anonymous asked: You missed (or ignored?) the obvious hint that you should repay him for his efforts by cleaning up those experiments. Buy John the shoes anyway. Trust me.

I missed nothing.  I’m not entirely certain I like this anonymous business, but you do make a good point.  I had, in fact, planned on doing just that.  I can hardly trust you when I don’t know who you are; even so, your intentions do seem good.  At least in this instance.  My thanks.

An Anonymous Question

bloggerofbakerstreet:

consultinglimpet:

On 07-05-2012 07:53 Anonymous asked:
You really do look better when you’re not all skin and bones. You should listen to John.

Answer:
If you aren’t John playing at being anonymous, there are very few people you could be, considering, and most of them would likely just tell me this sort of thing face to face, or at least without hiding behind an anonymous ask.

Putting that aside, I actually do listen to John; as a matter of fact, since he lives with me, I rather have to listen to him on a nearly constant basis.  If you meant ‘listen’ as in ‘take his advice’ then, yes, I do that, as well.  Sometimes.


That wasn’t me - although I have to say, I appreciate the way this Anon thinks - I wouldn’t try to send you an anonymous message; I’m fairly certain you’d be able to tell it was me one way or another*, so it defeats the purpose, anyway.  That said, you don’t take my advice nearly as often as you should, but you are improving, lately. ;)  (Joking aside, I do actually appreciate it when you listen to me.  You know I’m right, more often than not.  Well, when it doesn’t involve a deduction, anyway.)

*Really, I’ve given up keeping you off my laptop - could you at least stay out of the folders marked private?  Should I start labeling them ‘heliocentrism’ or ‘tax returns’ instead?

Well, yes, I was reasonably sure it wasn’t you, but it’s the sort of thing you’d do if you thought of it.  That is in no way an invitation to do so in future, by the way.*

I take your advice when I deem it to be germane to whatever the problem or issue might be at the time, as well as useful.  I’m gratified to see you finally noticed my improvement.  (I always listen to you, John; however, my listening does not necessitate taking any action based on what you’ve said.  Yes, you are often right.  That last goes without saying, so I don’t know why you bothered.)

*If you seriously minded my using your laptop, you’d take better security precautions.  Really, John, if you have me tell you what to name your private folders, then I will know exactly which ones they are.  You’re creative enough with your blog, you ought to apply some of that imagination to renaming or hiding your private files.  Have you considered using a USB memory stick on which to store them?  You could then hide your precious private personal files away where I’d never ever find them.  (Fair warning, don’t hide anything in the upstairs bedroom crawlspace or under the floorboard by the window.  Although, I don’t know why you hid those old photos, John, you were a fairly average child as far as I could tell.  Interesting how alike you and Harry were at - was it four? - which one of you was the bunny and which the bear?)

An Anonymous Question

On 07-05-2012 07:53 Anonymous asked:
You really do look better when you’re not all skin and bones. You should listen to John.

Answer:
If you aren’t John playing at being anonymous, there are very few people you could be, considering, and most of them would likely just tell me this sort of thing face to face, or at least without hiding behind an anonymous ask.

Putting that aside, I actually do listen to John; as a matter of fact, since he lives with me, I rather have to listen to him on a nearly constant basis.  If you meant ‘listen’ as in ‘take his advice’ then, yes, I do that, as well.  Sometimes.

An Anonymous Question

Since Tumblr seems to be seriously glitched and manned by idiots incapable of fixing said glitches, I’m forced to answer this question by way of copy/pasting from the Ask Box. 

On 07-01-2012 @ 21:35, Anonymous asked:
What does Consultinglimpet mean?

Answer:
Presumably someone capable of signing up for and maintaining a Tumblr account should be equally capable of locating and accessing an online dictionary. 

However, I suppose it is possible that you meant to ask something more like: “To what does Consultinglimpet refer?”  Although I have no proof, of course.

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tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

It hardly matters, really, as there’ll be people wherever one goes, won’t there?  So vanishingly few of them are truly worth bothering with.

Since I’ve been given to understand that the point of the question is to instigate dialogue and engage followers, I shall attempt to enter more into the spirit of the question.  Although I can’t really claim it’s ‘where I would most like to visit’ I suppose I might like to visit Tibet someday.  It’s conceivable I might pick up a few new mental disciplines from some of the Lamas there. 

If I can ever bear to leave London for that long, that is; which I cannot see happening any time soon without a very good reason.